Soldier's letter

After my grandpa passed away, we all went through his things... letters, photos, memories...While going through some of those letters this weekend, I found this poem from his mom - our great grandma, Clarice. She was married to a preacher, so she was pretty religious and after going through all of her writings, I've discovered she wrote largely in poetry.... May be this is where sissy gets that from? There was some other cool stuff about her trip to Germany just before WWII started and she wrote about Hitler and Mussolini!! Those were cool, but this letter written to my grandpa while off serving in the military made me cry and stuff because I'm all emotional - I can't tell if this is something that would make me cry anyway, or if this is just Stromboli striking again!


A Mother's Council to her son in service
~Clarice Cowart

My son, since boys of your tender age
Fight in air, on sea and on land,
I pray God will give you courage
To do what is at hand.

Some tasks are not exciting
Such as daily menial cares,
But soon you may be fighting
If the enemy come unaware.

Whatever the job you are called to do
Be courageous and do your best;
Uncle Sam has tried to train you
Now prove you can pass the test

But physical courage is not enough
In this awful global strife
We need deep faith when times are tough
Deep faith in the Lord of life.

Some nations teach their men to hate
Their enemies far and near
But we are taught to fight for love
Of all that we hold dear

Never indulge in hate, my son
Even in battles of war.
But fill your heart with the love of God
And the ones you are fighting for.

Be proud, my son, to be Christian
Never let your light grow dim;
For God will bless those who are His
So keep your faith in Him

And if when the battle is raging
And of life you almost despair,
Remember our God is an all God
Who governs earth, sea and air.

Mom pants

Has anyone had the pleasure of watching this SNL clip?



Well, today, I feel like I'm wearing mom pants. They are maternity capri jeans and they're still a little big on me. But that maternity stretchy part that goes all the way up to the boobies makes it feel even more like mom pants. That and the fact that there's no zipper or button doesn't help either. So the main problem today is that the butt pockets FEEL like they've migrated to the outer limits of my butt and my butt feels all wide and flat. BEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP wide load coming through! I did a quick ass check in the bathroom and it doesn't APPEAR to be any larger than usual, but I can pull the pockets on the stretchy jeans closer together which gives me the illusion of having a teenier booty. Which I like - not flat, not wide, but perky and small! It's making me want to run to the gym and do a bunch of butt exercises. I keep getting up off of my chair and lifting my leg behind me like a mini butt exercise. WTF? I'm obsessed today. I'm not sure these pants will make it out of the closet to see another day.

It's a.......

So before I almost passed out on the ultrasound table, we found out that Stromboli is a BOY! Everyone is pretty excited - especially JJ - he just KNEW it was a boy he said. Some people I've spoken with were surprised and even shocked that it wasn't a girl. I did have one person give CLEAR disappointment that it was not a girl, but she'll get over it.

Shortly after we found out what it was, I almost passed out. It didn't seem to phase the ultrasound lady - she just told me to roll over onto my left side and breathe and she kept on ultrasounding! I don't know if it was laying on my back a long time, the INCREDIBLE need to pee, or finding out there's a little weewee in my belly that set me off. May be a combo of the 3.

Good thing I had the parents in town to calm my nerves with a delish Italian dinner immediately following.

Baby Baby Baby

It's the only thing on my mind! I'm trying to think of other things, but it's hard. I spent the whole weekend doing baby things. Getting maternity clothes (thanks mom) getting walked through strollers, bottles, passifiers, hearing diaper talk, and now today is D-Day - we find out if Stromboli is a boy or a girl. Can anyone remind me of why I scheduled this appointment for the very end of the day?

I'm so nervous and I don't even know why!!!!!!!! It's not SCARY to find out! JJDVV is all excited......why was I having nightmares? They didn't even have anything to do with finding out the sex. My mom was trying to sabotage my pregnancy and she took me off to a foreign country and drugged me up and sissy was there, but she was all brainwashed so I had to kidnap her once my drugs wore off and I got us on a city bus (wtf?!) and mom was chasing us. It was such a mess and when I woke up, I couldn't fall back to sleep.

I finally fell back to sleep, the alarm went off once and I didn't hear it. It went off again and it was time to get up. I didn't hear the alarm again, so JJ woke me up all nicey-pants style rubbing my arm and back and saying "it's time to get up baby". and I threw a mini tantrum about not wanting to get up, but I did anyway and now I'm sleepy.

But I get to find out what Stromboli is and I get to go to a yummy, fancy dinner

Blondes have more fun!

Ever since highschool... I dunno.. 10th grade? I've been adjusting my hair. It began innocently enough with just a few highlights... then a few more and more and more and by the time I moved (back) to California, I decided I might as well go full tilt boogie (as MV says) as a blonde. Go big or go home. Ever since then, I become slightly depressed and a little irritable when those pesky roots show themselves. I used to waste my time coloring my brows too, but bah - who needs that?! I even went through this fantastic phase where I colored the tips of my hair purple! It was fabulous, people! FABU!!!!!! Notsomuch according to plain Jane mommy, but she colors her hairs too so I don't care that she didn't love it like I did.

Ahhhhhhhh those were the days - I wish I still had a job where I could do crazy things with my hair..or may be I just wish I still had a little crazy left in me that WANTED to get crazy with my hair. Now I just want to be glamerous. A glamerous bounty hunter. Anywayyyyyy

It never ceases to stun me when someone points out that I'm a "bottle blonde"! My cousin who spend the night with her 3 lovely daughters (2 of which are sickeningly perfect little toeheads) decided to point out to me that I PAY for my hair color! DUH you biatch!!! I can't WAIT for the days that I get to go in and have the feeling of self assurance and glamour squirted onto my head, put under the dryer, and blown dry. So what if I feel like I might be going bald from too much bleach - just a pesky little side effect that my favorite hair girl (who better never quit her job) assures me is NOTHING!!!!! Why do people point that shit out!? My mom does it - mostly in front of other people - like they can't tell or something. I don't give a shit if people know I'm not a natural blonde. I used to be when I was young. I was tan and blond and a perfect little beach baby. So everyone who likes to point out that I'm not "naturally blond" anymore can SUCK IT!

May be sister can find a picture of me in my youth to prove that I was blonde for real at one point. What's meant to be is meant to be. I'm just helping out what should have been natural in the first place. *cue brother and sissy making some joke right now about how I ACT blonde so I might as well have blond hair to match.

To stay or not to stay

So, starting today, I will have house guests for 3 nights. Not bad... I just like to get a good idea of the "plan" and I'm notsomuch strict on WHAT happens, I just like to know - WHEN someone is coming over and if there are any specific plans happening - like dinners, pedicures, breakfast... the important stuff!

So, the last weekend in July, my crazy aunt and my sassy grandma came for a weekend visit that was really nice because they washed windows and installed fans and all sorts of helpful stuff like that. They also asked me if my cousin (who is in town from Illinois) and her 3 cute daughters could spend the 6th, 7th, & 8th of August with us. No problemo - EXCEPT that mom and Frank the Tank will be coming to stay with us August 7th & 8th. So without ever having spoken to my cousin who needs a place to rest her head (later to be found out that she will also be bringing her 6 month old puppy - which I'm actually excited about), this morning, the 6th, I'm trying to find out WHEN said cousin, 3 daughters, and puppy will get to the house. I have to arrange her dog meeting our dogs (that innocent looking Sasha is fierce with new dogs). After stalking a few people, I got my answer.

Then this afternoon, Frank the Tank emails me something about a cocktail evening change which normally I'd be interested in, but since I can't drink, I couldn't possibly care less and thus, the email confused me. I guess they're going somewhere on one of the nights they're supposed to stay with me?

WHATEVES people - I don't even care anymore. I will arrange my naps, meals, and love life around the few empty moments we'll have this weekend and as long as people have somewhere to sleep, I just don't even care anymore

I'm more excited to find out about Stromboli on Monday. Boring post, but, I had to get it off my chest.

Immigration

So today while Stromboli's daddy and I were lunching away, I saw 2 of my field employees pulling out of the driveway in a truck. One of them JUMPED out and started hauling ass down the alley - my dad said "WTF????????? Who was that!?" and I said "it was Benny. I think he's runng from INS" and JJDVV, dad, and I all had a good laugh because I'm so funny like that.

Upon further thought, I decided I'm going to go work for the INS. I know just where to look for those illegal dudes and dudettes. So I quickly detailed my plan to sissy. I'll go work for them first off because they must have crazy good job security! Secondly, it's a government job. HELLO DUDES & DUDETTES!!!!!!!!! that means like 12 paid holidays a year, 3 weeks vacation and 2 weeks of sick or personal days and I'm no math wiz but that's already 2 weeks more vacay than I get now, 2 weeks more of personal/sick days, and 7 more holidays than I get now (more if you count holidays that fall on the weekend, but I digress).

When the INS sees what a valuable employee I am, I will immediatly insist on a special outfit - this outfit cannot and will not be black - although black is my favorite and most sexy color, it gets hotter than haites (where is that anyway?!) where those aliens hang out doing constructions and gardening and probably in the fast food kitchens. I'd have to go get fast food and act like I'm really going to order - may be acutally order and eat just to "observe" and then the government would have to pay for my lunch because it would be "surveillance" or something. They don't chill out at the beach all day, you know!....I mean - I'd definitely have to spend some time at the beach during the day in the summer just to see if anyone is there... just to cover my ass, you know?

I'd also insist on some special sunglasses - I'd definitely suggest that my Chanel sunglasses that I can't find anymore, but are pictured in brown here (NOT NEARLY as cute as the black frames with the green lenses... again, I digress)be part of my new uniform



Anyway, once my uniform is all put together and I have a snazzy title, I'll go out there like Beth on Dog the Bounty Hunter (because I have blond hair and big boobs) and bust some alien ass!

Sister suggested this outfit, but it's not really condusive to foot pursuits which is another reason I'd like this job - it would hopefully end my need to go to the gym on a daily basis - I could just get my cardio in chasing aliens all day!

Stromboli

Hello my peepaleeps. Stromboli is making me feel ill this week! I feel nauseaus 24/7 and I can't get enough sleep! The weather is so nice and I want to be outside. I think being outside with the fresh air and the birds who sing and the animals who frolic like they do in the Disney videos would make me feel better. May be it would motivate me to go for a walk or for a skip. I need to get out of this florescent hell hole I sit in every day to get some fresh air. Is there a work release for something like that? Can I get a doctor's note? I bet I could, but I don't get paid to not work, so I better come up with another plan........ any ideas??

Get in shape girl!

So - the elusive pregnant lady DOES exist! The one who doesn't get crazy body issues, who can stay out with friends while they drink, the one who doesn't get cankles! Dolce is my idol!

I oficially end the first trimester next week and so far so good - I felt like a fatass before my stromboli was inside me, so I'm doing what I do every 3-6 months when NOT pregnant. I'm "getting back on the wagon". Last night I went to the market and stocked up on fruits, veggies, fish, and all sorts of other healthy shit. I refrained from buying the bestestfoodever English Muffin Bread and bought a loaf of whole wheat instead for hubby's sammies. This morning I made scrambled eggs with spinach. Spinach people! Then for a snack I had a nectarine. I'm also headed to the gym tonight because I'm bound and freaking determined to be as in shape as I possibly can be during the next 6 months. I'm sad because I was a lazyfatass for the first 3 months but I was TIREEEEDDDDDD. My other pregnancy resolution is not to be a whiny biatch. So far so good. Not a clean record, but not bad either. I've also been decent about going to bars and out to parties while other people drink. I have a wedding to go to next weekend so hopefully being sober will allow me to witness some good shenegans to share!!!

No Putimer?!

Well, the days of swiping some unsuspecting neighbors' internet are over. JJ informed me (after my old lady afternoon snooze) on Wednesday that we no longer have free internet. Why must all good things come to an end? I'm a good person! Why can't I have free internet? WTF am I supposed to do without a putimer?! I gave my blackberry to JJ so that we could save money (barf) and we shut off our home phone foreva ago because who uses a land line anymore? seriously. who? As a sidenote, I have heard that you have to have a land line once you have a kid in school - I think that even means like pre-school, so that means I only have another 2 years of sticking it to the man and saying EFF YOU - I don't need no stinkin land line! But - I'm very sad because I might have to just suck it and get it so I can have internet on the weekends. During the week I can get away with having access all day at work while I'm busy not working which allows me to have free time at night to watch my brainless tv shows. Seriously brainless - last night for example while JJ was out having fun boozing watching the Laker game, I watched the season premier of Kendra and Denise Richards. I also watched the season premier of Bridezilla and 2 episodes of Gene Simmon's reality show. All in all it took up a good 5 hours of my night.

Tonight we're going to this new restaurant. Well... new to us. It's called Mahe and it's SO perfect because it's walking distance and you can eat a ton of sushi and get totally shitfaced and not have to worry about driving home. I take that back. It's almost perfect. Now that I'm "with child" (sorry sissy) it's no longer perfect. It's just probably going to be yummy. I can't eat any sashimi, I can't have tuna, I can't have mahi mahi, I can't have swordfish... I can only eat cooked rolls and drink pelligrino or some virgin drink which I never like drinking because it just reminds me I'm drinking something that would normally be fun but right now it's not. I digress. Tonight we'll DRIVE to Mahe with our friends who found a babysitter, I'll eat a few rolls, and I'll hope that everyone wants to get home and into bed before midnight. wooo wooo I'm a party and a half

I want to go home

Do you think this note from sissy would be an acceptable note to get out of work?
I do.... I might give it a try because I REALLY don't want to be at work today!

Yes, you look fierce

So, one thing I actually like about my job is my "office". I sit in the very front of the office so I would actually act as a receptionist even though I do SO much more. Not that anything is wrong with being a receptionist but whateverthatsnotmypoint. I work in the glass business. Since I work in the front of the office, I am surrounded on 3 sides by windows which is nice. My office is only one level, so I'm eye to eye with the sidewalk. The windows in my office are tinted so that I don't get my retinas burned out when it's nice and sunny, but from the outside, the windows appear almost as mirrors - if you look closely, you can see inside, but if you're not thinking about anything else but checking out your hair, you don't think about the people WATCHING you while you scope yourself out. Just now I saw a dude. He wasn't a boy, but definitely wasn't a man. This dude came strutting down the street this fine morning at 8:20am with his Red Bull and his punky black hair and his fabulous black guyliner and decided to check himself out in my "window" He struck a pose, touched his nipples, seemed satisfied, and moved on. How fierce. This really seemed to reassure himself that he had it goin on (whatever it was that he wanted goin on). May be I'll start striking a pose for myself in the mirror before I leave for work. Should be sexy with my evergrowing belly.

zzzzzzzzzzzz

Let me give you a recap of my very exciting day

Alarm goes off. Hubby says so nicely: Babe? Do you want to shower today?
Wowo: no
Hubby: really?
Wowo: no
Hubby: Babe? if you need to shower you should probably get up now
Wowo: NO
silence
Wowo: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr I don't wanna get uuuupppp!!!!!!!!!!! ok fine!

Drive to work was successful - no road rage from hubby and we were running on time for once!
7:16 arrive to work. I realize I forgot my keys to the office. Which wouldn't normally be a problem except that MV & DL are out of town and therefore I have no access to any extra keys.
7:18 - throw a little tantrum then decide to drive all of the effing way home to retrieve keys
7:19 - am informed by hubby that I have to get gas first
8:02 - arrive at the house. Search for keys. Find keys. Get kissed to death by babies (dogs) and am wracked with guilt for abandoning them again
8:20 arrive back to the office
8:20 - 11:20 facebook, email, make a few copies
11:20-12:20 eat lunch
12:20 - 4:30 paint nails, watch season 3 of Arrested Development, pretend to work whenever someone comes near my office, read a little, facebook, email, make grocery list.

Now I finally get to shut down the evil work machine and head home - to mail my friends 1 week late birthday gift and pick up food for a BBQ tonight where I will meet hubby's new school friend and promptly show him what an old loser I am by neeing to go to bed by 10.

Invisibility Cloak

I don't want to make this all about being preggo, but I have to say. Sister and I were talking today about this bitch of a cousin of ours has this uncanny ability to make her facebook page disappear and reappear - she isn't deleting her account because she disappeared for a few weeks and then on Tuesday, voila! There she was! I was still her friend (sister wasn't - no explaination necessary - kidding sissy - just kidding) and so was my hubby, but she didn't request us, so how the FUCK did she do that?!?!?! And today? POOF - gone again. Which lead me to wonder if this bitch somehow came across an invisibility cloak or some shit. This led me to wonder what it would be like to have one of my own.

Right now, the only thing I would want to do with my invisibility cloak is to put it on and take a big, fat nap. The office doesn't provide perfect napping conditions, but that's ok. I'm desperate.

Later, I'd take my invisibility cloak to go hop on a plane to MN to go get Savoy pizza with my baby brother who is suffering from a gnarley hangover from having his "first" night drinking on his 21st birthday.

There's all sorts of sneaky shit I'd like to do with an invisibility cloak, but right now the only thing my mind is obsessing over is a fucking nap. That and still wondering how my poor baby, Daisy, got a gash on her widdle neck.

Growing up is hard to do...

In response to my Gent's (gawd I hate that I have to refer to him as that right now - mostly because he WANTS it soooooo badly) blog yesterday, I have to say - reflecting on the past to see what you liked and what you didn't about growing up is a good topic.

What did I like? I liked that my mom baked with us.... a lot. I did not like that 9 times out of 10, the baking came with a sex talk. Note to self - no sex talk while baking (with the kids anyway - sex talk with my gent over flour and eggs could be fun, I digress)

I did not like that I was not "allowed" to get anything less than an "A"! WTF?! And you ask, what happened when you got less than an A, Wowo? Well, I had to listen to the mother drone on and on and on and on about how I'm better than that, I would get threatened with punishment (I have successfully blocked out if any of the punishments came to fruition) (fruition is a big word for me early in the morning and may be a result of the constant nagging for A's) Let's just say the report card "talks" were ANNOYING!!! and a little ridiculous too! Sister didn't have that requirement! Neither did brother! WTF did I do to deserve that? Anyhoo... what else did I like? I liked that I got a shiny, red 10-speed Schwinn (even though I REALLY wanted the dusty rose color) for my first straight A report card.

Hmm what else did I like? All in all I guess I'd say my upbringing was pretty good. No spankings...except the one time dad pulled me out of the station wagon by one arm and swatted my ass. I didn't do anything! I just put the car into reverse and it started going backwards....what did you expect when leaving a 3 year old in the car alone?!?! And the one time mom TRIED to get my ass with a brush but I was like 15 and jumped back and laughed at her for missing me. What a bitch I am... I mean WAS - what a bitch I WAS.

Lastly - my mom tells me I didn't really like time-outs on the stairs. I sat there like I should, but I yelled at her that I was going to tell Santa and he wouldn't bring her any presents...EVER AGAIN. I think that mission was accomplished.

I guess we'll see after this afternoon if I'll have to continue pondering shit like this....

Anxiety!

I've always been an anxious person - not always outwardly but always in my brain! anxiety is vicious! I have major anxiety about my upcoming ultrasound. But my mantra is...all is good.. all is fine... this baby is going to have a crazy heartbeat when we go in on Friday. I'm glad sissy will be in town that day.




P.S. being sober 24/7 is not cool. It's only ok because of the blueberry inside of me. I can't wait until month 8 when I can have that one glass of wine. mmmmmm wine mmmmmmm

I love to make Sister cry

HA! I know that sounds evil, but today it was a good cry. I told sissy that she's going to be an Auntie. Auntie OOh-hooo (pronounced oooh-WHO - not oooh-HO)

That being said. I've heard reference to babies eating the brain but is it possible to start at 2 months? I'm not going to get WAY too excited yet because I want to wait until the end of June when my first 3 months is up, however, today I am totally ill with morning sickness so I feel it's safe to say everything is a-ok. Keep the fingers crossed

An old video

Since baseball season is upon us, I'd like to introduce you to JJ's godson. One of the cutest little boys ever made.

Gas Stations; a place for weirdos? Or simply to fill up?

So I planned on writing today about the guy I saw at the gas station with JJ yesterday after work....

This guy -



WTF is that guy doing? He was dicking around while sitting in his trunk for about 5 minutes! Dunno what he was doing. It was cinco de mayo - may be he was securing some Tecate in the trunk so it wouldn't shake around? Making it cozy so he could stop off on the side of the road with his lovah for some cinco de mayo celebrating? I don't know. I just stared at him trying to figure out what the HELL he was doing in there!!! Any thoughts??


On another note - I thought this guy was a little weird, but he definitely doesn't come close to Dolce's gas station encounter. I guess I should consider myself lucky.


Finally, I have to tell you I'm on the lookout for the elusive "SXCMAMI" - yes, sexy Mommie.. JJ and I had the pleasure of driving past SXCMAMI 5 days in a row and both of us were so astounded that neither one of us had the brains to take a picture to share. When we came to and thought "we must show SXCMAMI in her natural habitat to the world", she went into hiding - never to be seen again. SXCMAMI was not sexy. Not to us at least. She was probably a good 400 pounds and had crazy giant black hair, and as JJ likes to say - a next that if you cut it, gravy would come out instead of blood - ICK - ICK ICK ICK. I will stay dedicated to finding SXCMAMI to share with the world.

I've got nothing to do tonight

That title makes me old. It proves to myself that I'm getting old. I have so many examples of late that are proof of getting to the golden years.



I'm only 30! I feel like such a LOSER! I need to young up my life again. Hopefully when sissy comes out, I can rejeuvinate my life with some binge drinking. Being old does have its occasional perks. I can binge drink for a few days in a row - drink all night, wake up, feel like shit, drink the shit off of you until you feel good enough to drink again!! ...with a nap and a burger in between of course.... not like sissy, who when she comes to visit has the worst hangovers of her life and can't operate her body the 2nd day......... Anyhooooo...... let me explain how I know I'm not a young whippersnapper anymore



1. My old college bff wrote to me today "Happy Freakin Friday!!!" and I said thank the LORD it's Friday! I can have a whole weekend off and the best part? I have nothing to do tonight - just hearing those words sounded like the sweet voices of angels singing!! llaaaaaa! lalalaleeelaaa!!!!!!!!!! nothing to dooooo!!! laalalaaaa!!!! There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have started hoping that around 3:00 on a Friday afternoon, I would hear about where the party is going to be or think about how I'd need to hurry up, get home, nap, wake up about 7 or 8, shower, then head out to the bars. Notosmuch anymore....Now I can't wait to get home, see my babies, plop my giant fat ass on the couch and catch up on Tivo with my hubby. And be in bed before midnight. So that I can wake up for my hair appointment tomorrow.



2. I recently built a brick wall. With hubby of course. But we demo-ed the existing lame ass looking rocks that were supposed to resemble a wall? and we pulled out a GIANT tree - a cypress- that was TALLER than the house! No shit!! I'm totally serious! And we don't have crazy lumberjack tools. We also had to pull out a big fat bush. Good thing I had Miss Daisy the digging fool to help me out with the hard stuff

I dont' have a picture of the "before" but here's a picture of the "after" - I felt so effing proud of myself and so grown up doing that shit. Lame. I even was excited for a hot second about pulling weeds for the first time to complete a home improvement project (if only this were our real permanent home waaaaaaaaaaaa) (and no - I never had to pull weeds before. I'm a lucky biatch. and even though I got excited about pulling them - I hate it now). We did a damn good job for our first brick wall project! Hopefully when we get our very own casa, we'll be able to do something even more professional!

3. My little brother, HPC, lives in MN. There is a 2 hour time difference. He called me the other night at 9:30 my time. 11:30 his time. At night. I was already asleep. He was confused for a minute - he thought he called sissy since she also lives in MN and that would explain why his sister would already be asleep on a week night since it was 11:30, but no - he called his CA sister and I was asleep. Fast asleep. At 9:30. I felt so old. He called me that Saturday during my righteous party (well at the beginning of my righteous party) to see if I was asleep already or napping. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. I yelled that I wasn't sleeping! I was throwing a righteous party! Then he said he'd be sure not to call 3 hours later since he was sure I'd be getting ready for bed. He also FB-ed me wondering if I get the senior discount at McDonalds. Whatever! That little prick doesn't have to wake up at 5:30 to get ready for work! ...........I guess sometimes he does - but he's still at that age that he can party till 2 and get up at 5:30 to be at work at 6! WTF?!?!

I know I have more examples, but my alseimer's brain isn't able to think of any right now. All I can think about is how glad I am that I have no plans for tonight and no plans for tomorrow OR tomorrow night except to get my hairs did on Saturday morning. Incidentally, my hair appointment is at 9am and it's a 30 minute drive, so I'll be fresh as a daisy with no hangover on my way in.

Many hats of my kids

So upon reading Crissy's page and seeing Alice in all of her Easter eared splendor, I decided I should let Daisy and Sasha promote their many hats as well. I'm totally sure they're proud to show their different lids and not embarrassed like some people would suggest!

Here is Daisy on Halloween

Here is Sasha on Halloween

Daisy at Christmas


Sashie at Christmas








Sashie on New Years - Daisy isn't even 2 years old - she wasn't able to make it to midnight like Sasha (Sasha has practice - she's 9)

I've only had Daisy since October of '07 so, the year of 08 was the year of torture for these two. We adopted Sasha full time in January 2008 (we were able to keep her part time during the late part of '07) from what we consider pretty bad conditions and have provided her with much love and attention and in exchange for that love, she has agreed to be subjected to wearing hats during the holidays - she's a sport. So - dudes and dudettes, I introduce you to my children - Sasha and Daisy.

Party Time

From what I remember (piecing together foggy memories), Saturday was good times!

I feel sad that ML's WOW lover didn't show up to the party because I was able to stay up till midnight! wooop wooop! People started arriving at 2:45 for the 3:00 start time. My first guest was RPP - she lives in LA so it's a little commute for her to come over (me living at the beach in Orange County and all). She brought an old friend of hers who is so sweet and they helped me finish getting the important things ready (putting the beer in the tubs).

Then MF (music factory which consists of 2 girls whose names begin with the letter "C" and one of them has a fiance...none of them travel apart so they became C & C Music Factory then just MF - now you're caught up to speed - welcome) arrived and the awkwardness began. I'm really going to have to do a whole posting with an explaination of MF so you can get the full picture. MF isn't fun to party with. at. all. BUT they are friends of ML from way back so they got an evite (which they checked every single day without responding until finally rsvp-ing 2 days prior to the party - I digress) It was RPP, MF, RPP's friend, and ML and me.......a-w-k-w-a-r-d

Not long after, people started coming in and the food arrived (Chronic Taco! yummm - I like to call it Chronic Tizzy though) then, the boy next door came over with his friend (both age 14) and brought the electric guitar and the sax and they started jamming! They were surprisingly AWESOME! So cute and they knew some good songs - when they would break, ML would put the tunes back on the radio. ok, so after we sang happy birthday....wait - just before we sang Happy Bday - I was feeling a little buzzed....like the kind of buzzed that I thought - may be I should slow down JUST a little?? I was walking some people out whom I don't know really at all - it was our first meeting (ML's new work friends) and that is the point I felt I should slow down. So I walked in the kitched to get some water (we didn't need to keep that shit outside in buckets - not important enough) when I was stopped by a big circle of ML & his friends starting tequila shots - so I forgot about the water and substituted tequila. I vaguely remember my parents leaving.... MV hasn't said anything to me about being embarrassing so either they were just as drunk or I wasn't bad yet. Not sure what time people started dribbling out, but at some point we were down from about 35 people to 15 and the tequlia shots were flowing.

It came to my attention that we had gone through a whole bottle of $$ tequila so I thought there was no better idea than to have someone's little brother drive me to the store to spend$45 on another bottle! When I woke up in the morning it was half gone so at least that wasn't money wasted. Money that WAS wasted? I let Josh's Swedish girlfriend talk me into going to buy cigarettes! WTF was I thinking? First of all, I've quit that shit - it's disgusting (it didn't used to be, but it is now!) and 2nd of all - when drinking, smoking helps promote hangovers and 3rdly - I don't know about anywhere else, but here in CA, smokes are up to $7 a pack!!

While I was brushing my teeth in the morning, I had a few flashes. Did someone go get hamburgers at like 11? I couldn't tell if that was a dream or real so I was thinking about it really hard when I remembered taking a bite into a pickle and making the statement loud and clear to everyone that I DO NOT like pickles and why didn't someone warn me those viscious little bitches were in my burger?! I also started remembering Josh and his shiner! Were those boys wrestling? Yes - yes they were and ML showed everyone just how old he is when he ordered them out of the house if they are going to wrestle - god forbid someone hit his precious tv (it was his first major purchase aside from the condo). This is when the shiner occured - I guess Wade knocked Josh's face into the concrete and they both thought it was SOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNIE!!! Someone brought over a firepit and that was awesome since it gets cold at the beach at night (waa waaa - what a whiner!) What was NOT awesome was waking up in the morning to get juice to detatch my tongue from the roof of my mouth with hair in my face smelling of bonfire. Gross- the snippets of memories of the night before began at that moment when I closed my eyes and groaned while I remembered showing off some dance moves around the fire pit.

No one puked, only one injury, and no drunk crying - this all contributed to a successful party. Us old fogies were recovering all day on Easter (ML is older and fogier than me though because he pussed out and had to nap!) I don't know if I'm more dope than before, but part of me thinks that I am and that's half the battle. Mission accomplished

I need to be more dope

On our way into work this morning, ML and I were listening to the entertainment portion of the morning show (really the only part I like...) and there was an entire segment on Kanye West and how he says he's so dope and needs to work on his ego because it's out of control. It got me thinking - why is it that some people have the ego of a giant and think they are theeee sheeeet and some of us (me) don't have much of an ego at all?

I have come to the conclusion that this is something I need to start working on - being more dope. I feel like a total fool saying that, but whatever. During my contemplation of becoming more dope, I've been picturing myself with a bigger ego and have come to the realization that there is a fine line with being totally dope and being a total douche. For example - me having to TELL people that I'm dope makes me a douche (a la Kanye West).

So begins my quest to become dope. First thing on my list? Throw a righteous party tomorrow.

I'll let you know how that goes on Monday...........should be interesting with ML's new classmate that he's invited whose favorite pasttimes include playing World of Warcraft (or WOW as he calls it and then is completely SHOCKED when NO ONE knows what in the FUCK he is talking about). ML declared to me that he is going to show this kid how to party which should be another interesting scene seeing as though ML and I can barely stay up past 9:00 these days.

To be continued.....

You speee Chinee?

So... this may be weird, but the more people I admit this to, the more people do the same thing.

I have 2 dogs Daisy and Sasha. Daisy is a Minature Pinscer and Sasha is a lab mix (not sure what she's mixed with but she looks like a small lab). Daisy and Sasha have voices. Daisy talks like a black girl formerly from the hood and Sasha talks like a surfer girl. Little does anyone know - they talk to each other all day long
Daisy "Sup my biiitchesssssss????"
Sasha "What's happenin dudes?"
Daisy "What up bitch? Gimme my toy! That ain't yours!"
Sasha "Chill out little dudette! You can toads have it when I'm done"
Stuff like that.

Well, I admitted this to my friend RPP and she told me that her 2 dogs have voices too. Her first dog is Champ. Champ was found in a dirty parking lot in downtown LA and he's a German Shepard - appears to be full blooded but we'll never be sure. He talks in a black voice too so he and Daisy are like total bff's. Although he's very large, he talks in a really high voice. Coco is a pit bull mix and her eyes are not round - they are a little more oblong (horizontally) and she has lines that look like she's got permanent eyeliner (picture Cleopatra) and Coco speaks Engrish http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engrish

I had no clue until I read Crissy's blog that so many people speak Engrish! ML told me that Coco was ROR a while back and I had no clue wtf he was talking about (not too unusual) and he informed me that ROR is how Coco LOL! Raughing out roud! HAHA! So funny to me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how I speak about the dirty foreign people (a la Crissy) with my other friend Muff. Short for Muffin - not the other Muff.

We talk to each other in nail salon lingo and to demonstrate, I'd like to share with you some actual conversations I've had in the nail salon. NL will be the nail lady - or should I call her the Nail Rady? Ya - that's better - NR will be the nail lady
NR: Hiiieeee - How you do? What you want?
me: Um - I'd like a mani and a pedi
NR: OK! you pii coror and wait 10 mineees -ok??
me: ok.
NR: Ok- you sii here ok? ooohhh - I ruh your jean! Where you buy?
me: I got these at Express
NR: Ohhh - they maaay you rook so sexxxy!

This conversation happened just after I got engaged
NR: Your ling so plettie - you get engage?
me: yes! a few weeks ago in Mexico
NR: oooohhhh.... I ruh it... can I try on?
me: huh?
NR: can I try on?
me: what?? umm? huh?
NR: Pree?
me: um - well, I don't really want to take it off. I heard it's bad luck (totally not true -I'm just too big of a pussy to tell her to get effing REAL!)
NR: oh
total silence for the rest of the session (which was nice) until
NR: you waaan flowah?
me: no thanks

Random morning thoughts

I don't know WHY this happens, but it happens to both ML and me - almost every morning, we ask each other what song is in the other's head and nearly every morning, there's a new song - I first hear it when I get in the shower and this morning I was blessed with this little gem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqy0IODpW5Q

Sad News

This just in. I'm not funny!!! I feel like I'm kind of funny when I'm talking to people, but when I'm writing? Notsomuch!

I read all of these funny blogs every day and every day it's like a slap in the face telling me "YOU AREN'T FUNNY!"

For example: I went to dinner with a few cousins, grandpa, ML, an uncle, grandpa's wife (who is younger than grandpa's daughter), and MV (dad). How it came up, I don't know, but someone brought up how funny it is to hear people speak Minnesotan. So I piped up! I speak that! I decided to show off my talent and got TONS of laughs!! Dad even threw out a rare compliment saying "Isn't that great?! She's SO good at it!!" - I have to admit - he's right - I really AM SO good at it!! Sadly, however, this one talent doesn't really translate into writing. Is this my only talent??

I wracked my brain trying to think of any other talents I may have. Nada - I can't even speak the language I took for 14 years! (another non talent just popped into my head - ability to do math without using my fingers - I had to figure out how many years I took French using my fingers) Due to my ability of speaking French holding steady at at 3 year old's level, I am unable to help sister with one teeny favor she asked..http://cjconney.blogspot.com/2009/03/people-send-darndest-things.html...sorry sissy

I asked ML if he could think of any talents that I have and of course, being a BOY, he came up with plenty of talents I can't share with you yet - our relationship is just too new.

In closing, I'm hoping that one of these days inspiration will hit and I'll feel brave enough to let someone other than sissy see my blog.

AIG can suck it!

Who would have ever thought so much thought needed to go into a blog!? The name of the blog, the availability of the URL, and on top of everything, what should the topic of the first blog be?! When I decided to start writing, I had no clue what to write... then I thought of so many different topics.

I have no idea what direction this will head, but hopefully it will eventually be interesting to people other than myself, ML (what I will be referring to my hubby as going forward), and LS (little sister) who is forced to think this is interesting!

Have you ever wanted to say FUCK YOU! to a customer service person? We have an insurance policy with AIG (yes - the same AIG where all the jerkoffs who are getting giant bonuses while I sit working almost paycheck to paycheck are) and I had to call today because the invoice they sent me had a dollar amount on there that was unusual and of course, nothing was itemized to tell me how they came to this random number. The total idiot on the phone would tell me dollar amounts, I'd write them down, wait until he was done talking and say "that doesn't make sense - that doesn't add up to the invoice amount" and idiot would say "you didn't let me finish" soooo.... we went through this EXACT circle about 4 times and I finally asked if I could talk to someone else becuase we weren't "getting along" and do you know what he said?! He said no! He said I wasn't LETTING HIM FINISH! WTF?!?!?

I don't know why I didn't say this but I should have told him that this shady invoice procedure is one of the reasons AIG SUCKS BALLS and hopefully he'd lose his job as fuckface extraordinaire and get a job where he could be normal.